


A Comparison of Love

by Airy (hn209486)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 00:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3431462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hn209486/pseuds/Airy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inquisitor Lavellan had loved two men in her life. One broke her heart, and one tried to put the pieces back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Comparison of Love

Malinche Lavellan has loved two men in her life, but loved them in two very different ways.  
  
When she first kissed Solas, it felt like the sky ripped open again. He made her heart dance immediately, and made her heart beat fast when he grabbed her around the waist in the fade and pulled her back in. His lips were cool and chapped and the kiss could be almost described as unpleasant, but it was also incredibly, simply— _right_. It was like she finally found the lock for her key, and she had wanted that first kiss never to end. She had wanted to stay like that forever, and would have been glad too.  
  
When she first kissed Cullen, it was with apprehension and guilt and a not quite healed heart. It was with the sun setting behind their backs and it was gentle and Cullen didn’t rush her or even make any other move besides just kissing her, and it made her heart flutter. That hurt too, because it reminded her of him, and it was him that she didn’t want to be reminded of. 

* * *

The first time Solas told her stories of his past, it was with gentle persuasion and a story telling skill that left her hanging on his every word. It left her imagining great elven artifacts and huge temples and the Fade casting everything in a shimmering light. It made her not fear the thing that marked her hand anymore. It made her ask a million questions, and left Solas with a small smile on his lips, a look of approval on his face, and left her feeling slightly queasy with anticipation and hope. Always hope.

The first time Cullen told her stories of his past, it was with great difficulty. It was with pain, and fear that she would take them harshly. It was not about seeing stars and imagining how beautiful something was, but it was about her reaching forward to take the Commander in her arms and hug him and tell him that this didn’t make him any less of a good man. It was to tell him that many people struggled with addiction, and they were only stronger for it. It was him looking at her with eyes that were completely star struck—her starting to regret that at the time, because she could not return the feeling.

* * *

When they talked about what they were for the first time, Solas was forward. He was regretful, and argued to himself that it was not a good idea to be with her, but it was also as if he couldn’t help himself, and that thrilled Malinche. He couldn’t help himself from being with her. Malinche fell in love with him like that, kissing him after the discussion, and letting him pull her into his arms, lean her against his desk despite her apprehensions. She allowed herself to start to think that maybe she had found the man that she would like to spend the rest of her life with. 

When Cullen finally became brave enough to talk about his relationship with Malinche, it was with stutters and tongue twisters and a lack of words in any way, shape, or form. It was nowhere near confident, and Malinche wasn’t confident either. She almost turned him down, but instead explained it to him. How her heart had been broken once, and a piece of it taken away when it was. That a little part of her would never fully belong to him, and he had to understand that. It was Cullen telling her that he could live with that, as a little part of him would always belong to the lyrium and not her that made her willing to give it a try. Perhaps they weren’t so unalike after all. Malinche fell in love with him the way one falls in love with an idea—an idea of not being alone.

* * *

When they danced, it was like the world was only him. Solas filled every cranny of her, and he twirled her like she was his queen, and she never wanted the moment to end. Even after thwarting an assassination, Malinche knew that this was part of what she had been waiting for all night. It made all the things she’d ever heard about—childish, young love—seem less like a foreign fear to her, and more like reality. She, in no way whatsoever, could see how she would ever be this much in love again, as they moved the way that Thedas’s queens and kings did. 

When Cullen pulled her closer, at another event very similar to that one, Malinche almost had to pull away because of the memory. Cullen was no formal dancer though, and instead of the two-step, or even the swinging, graceful movements of the other partners, he pulled her up against him, wrapped his arms around her waist. They swayed to the music. It would cause whispers in the court—so un-majestic as it was—but Malinche realized just how safe she felt in his arms, and just how much she’d like to stay there if he’d keep her. 

* * *

When he left her, it left her on her knees, hands in the mud beside her, and her face as bare as the days to come without him. She did not often cry, but Malinche cried then, into the lake he had sat her beside. She cried and sobbed and wished for forgiveness, for whatever mistake she had made. She prayed to Mythal, the Maker, even going to far as to pray to Fen’Harel, to grant her some pity and bring him back to her. She returned to Skyhold with eyes as red as the dusk horizon, causing anyone who looked at her not to speak with her, for fear of shattering what was so utterly broken.  
  
Cullen never left her. He kissed her bare face, and told her how beautiful she was. He kneeled in front of her while she sat on her—their bed, reaching up to stroke her cheek, and promising that he would never leave her, as long as she never left him. She promised him that then, with the night sky darkening, and allowed him to slip the ring—one she never thought she’d see for herself—onto her finger. She kissed him, and knew that maybe, just maybe, Solas no longer held that part of her as tightly as he had before.


End file.
